I'm the worst at online dating and here's why

After my mom had passed away, my dating life was stagnant. You have to understand that I had just come off spending all my time in hospitals, cancer treatment centers, healing services and the most grueling of all - having to tell the many people who knew my mother that she had passed. I wasn't exactly in a social mood. I had no interest in going out and meeting guys. My bubbly personality had deflated and I preferred to go to work, go home, drink a glass of wine and go to bed.

When the topic of dating would come up, I'd laugh and say I was fine being by myself. On the surface, this seems like a completely normal response. Surely it's good to feel confident single until the right person comes along...right? What I failed to say out loud was that dating sounded terrible because of those 'first date' questions I'd have to answer.  "What do you do for a living? What do you like to do for fun? Do you have any siblings? Where does your family live? Oh they are divorced? Oh your mom just passed away? Oh I'm so sorry do you want to talk about it?" 

No, no I do not want to talk about it. I do not want to sit here on this date and pretend to be happy talking about how great my life is and I do not want to sit here and talk about how I'm actually really sad and confused because my mom just died. I'm good. 

My friends and family were a bit worried about me and had suggested I try online dating. "It'll be fun" they said. "You'll meet so many people and you won't think about your mom, just don't talk about it and try to meet some new people". After much resistance, I caved. "Okay, fine. But not tinder I'm going to do a paid one because the guys won't be as weird". 

FIRST ATTEMPT: MATCH.COM - I paid the fee and had like 57 matches and hearts and inbox messages to choose from. Okay, cool. This isn't so bad, it's kind of like chat rooms when I was 15. (I LOVED those by the way 15/f/CA). James was witty so I gave him a shot. We talked for a week about nonsense and I loved it. He was hilarious and his photos seemed normal. Seemed being the key word. He asked me out so I got dressed up for our date and felt like a normal human being, something I hadn't felt in a while. I met him in Long Beach and hate to say it but I was immediately disappointed - he didn't look anything like his photos. He was short, like really short. I'm 5'3 so I'm talking really short. This would've been fine but I realized why all his photos were with children...because he looked tall next to them. His 5'9'' was a definite lie. He walked weird too, idk. Okay I know this is TERRIBLE I'm judging him solely based on looks, but you guys it's not fair to post photos making you look really tall when you are short and then lie about your height! Next, he was soooo boring. He was super funny and witty over text message but in person our convos were so flat. Now that I think about it, this could've been my fault like maybe I was actually boring in person. I'm just going to say it was him. So we had dinner and it was boring and we said goodbye, and we never spoke again. That was match.com.

SECOND ATTEMPT: HINGE - After my match.com fail I decided to keep my $19.99 and try one that was free. Hinge was supposed to be better because it connected to Facebook so you had mutual friends with your matches. I matched with some guys and talked to a few of them. One seemed like a chill, social guy from Santa Monica. I actually talked to him over the phone, like on a phonecall, before me met. Isn't that weird? Who talks on the phone anymore? I know. He was really talkative and I assumed that was because he was just really talkative, not because he was doing COCAINE for instance. I meet this guy at a restaurant and he looked like his pics so that was good, as far as I could tell. I honestly don't even remember his name. Let's call him Tim. Tim decides he doesn't want to eat and pulls out a pack of cigs. He smoked 6 in front of me and was talking so fast I couldn't even keep up. We were standing out front the restaurant and I contemplated my escape route. I just knew he was weird. Turns out, he had just done some coke, wasn't all that hungry, and asked if I wanted to go to his house. I literally ran away. That was hinge.

I tried Bumble and it didn't fail me in the humorous stories department. One guy genuinely believed dinosaurs still exist and the other asked me if I like choking on the first date. These are all true stories I will share with you tomorrow, as well as my final thoughts on online dating. Everyone's meeting their husband on it and I'm over here convincing guys dinosaurs are extinct.  I did date a normal person for a while but I think I need someone to teach me the art of online dating. Till tomorrow - thanks for reading!

*If you have online dating stories you'd like to share, we'd love to hear them! Writeus@thedtrblog.com*