Well That Was Fun, Church...

I’m sitting here thinking back on the beginning of 2020 and honestly, what was that? I remember writing down how I felt like this would be a season of wilderness for me. That certainly came to pass. I should start by saying there were times this year I have felt incredibly lonely - not even because of the circumstances around Covid-19, as I’m lucky to have my family here in Los Angeles who I’ve lived with since this started - but alone in my experience of what I was witnessing.

I felt detached because the more I sensed something was off, the more I felt this never-ending gut feeling of needing to speak out on things where the arena was protected by major church power players. They run the show and they do not like when people oppose them. Little did I know there was a whole world out there of people who have already walked this path, are already speaking out, love Jesus with all their heart, and stay true to their convictions. For them, I am so thankful. 

The first time I wrote about my feelings toward what I perceived to be the Church’s unnatural aggressive tactics of merging Christianity to President Trump’s politics, I received a number of messages and comments asserting how I was a defective and bad Christian. One mega church pastor commented how he hoped I was praying for President Trump with the Holy Spirit instead of speaking out against him. I told him that thankfully, I too have the Holy Spirit. He later deleted his comment. 

On that same post, there were those of you who thanked me for saying what you’ve been thinking. You told me you were worried what people would say if you were to post it or tell the church your feelings. Considering the comment section that day, I don’t blame you. There were also those of you who had already said these things and encouraged me to keep going, for which I’m so grateful.

I knew this would be my job this year. It was my job to all of you to say the things I felt deeply in my soul regardless if I lost all my followers or not. It didn’t matter.

What matters is I know what it feels like to walk alone in your journey like the odd man out, pretending to go along so as not to be too loud or cause problems. I am used to dimming myself so someone else can get the light. I panic when all the attention is on me, a true Type Nine. This year I felt God put those of you on my heart who needed to hear how someone sees as you see and will speak out on the chaos and confusion the American Church has seemed to get itself in. An imperfect bride, no less. 

Two days ago I posted what was the most assertive and straightforward set of comments regarding what I’ve seen unfold in our community and how it’s hurt us, as well as others. I was very aware this could be the post that gets me ‘Christian world woman cancelled’ (men seem to get away with a bit more but we’ll wait till 2021 to go there…) I cannot even express how utterly humbled, encouraged, and so grateful I was from your comments, DM’s, and emails. We are observing the same. We are hearing the same. We are seeing the same. Even if we’re not, you’re not alone, I just want you to know that. You can sit with us, always.

I truly now know, I’m not alone. 

Occasionally people ask why I speak out and “cause more division.”  Usually this comes from someone in a position of power. I tell them we are all advocating for each other and when I see someone is left behind, I leave the 99 for the 1. The way I’m wired does not allow for me to sit back and watch the vulnerable or the oppressed ask for help and be offered nothing. Yes, I am a social worker. 

Jesus said these words in Matthew 25:35-40 (ESV) “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

Makes you think.

I have taken this year to really think about the belief systems I follow and where they come from. I’ve taken time to listen to my black brother and sisters on how I can be better, to women who’ve been silenced for their abuse stories, to my LGTBQ- brothers and sisters on how they were asked to leave a church after coming out. I’ve gone through my own mental health and c-ptsd battles only to find I felt the most safe with my community outside of church but always in my long time friendships. This all needs to change and will only come from acknowledging the root of problems and bringing forth true shifts in how we treat and love one another. 

Now, I’m sure some will say - “Oh she’s a softy Marxist snowflake who doesn’t care about traditional values”. To those people, one thing you should know is I am a type 9 wing 8. If you have something to say to me, do not expect me to sit back and not respond. I write jokes, film sketches, work in the mental health field, and have studied the Bible enough to know you are not the hierarchy on how it’s interpreted. I have no problem calling out oppressive dynamics when I see them.

If you’re gonna troll, know that trolling is an art so please take an e-course first. 

That being said, this year I’ve spoken out on Sean Feucht’s worship protests and ongoing attempts at manipulating the public to think he’s a victim facing persecution. I used to be in those circles and can say it’s so disappointing to witness just how much support he gets when what happened during the Azusa revival - started in a horse stable by a rejected black man who was the son of freed slaves and a woman preacher during the time of segregation - was very different than Sean pushing political rhetoric, anti-science, “us verse them,” victimized agendas only to sell merchandise, a book, an album, a photobook, etc and hold mask-less, non socially distanced events that defy health protocols, all in the name of Jesus. This is not revival. He is set to hold events tonight through NYE here in Los Angeles and has been asked by local Pastors, including the Church Without Walls who ministers to Skid Row homeless population, to please not hold his event. Our hospital ICU rooms are at capacity and Sean’s actions truly show, he does not care about those who are vulnerable or those who have asked nicely. He could provide needs or ask how he can help, but that wouldn’t be good for album sales. There is now going to be a car blockade to stop him from coming into downtown LA. I’m sure he will get right on his instagram and post “HOLD THE LINE,” “WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED,” but please know at this point

it is shepherds protecting their flock who are asking us to help stop this. No Sean, we won’t be silenced. 

The thing is, so much has been exposed within the Church that this is where true hope lies. My dad is a scientist and on our hike we passed by dried out bushes. He told me that everything in nature has a purpose and a reason. He said that new specific plants will grow in these areas of devastation to provide the needs for restoration. 

And that’s what I think God is going to do in 2021. So, with the most basic Mean Girls reference, I end this post with:

You can sit with us. Come to our table. Let’s get through this thing together. 

Thank you my friends, lets do this. 

With Love,

Kristina

(To follow, you can go to my Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.)